Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
