Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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