FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
