just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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