You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
