yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
