Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
