dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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