Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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