Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
no you cant smoke seaweed
He felt like a one man threesome
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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