Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
