What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
