apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
