you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
