Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize