I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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