i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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