I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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