I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize