He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
