I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize