Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
