what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
