Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
