wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You need Xanax blowdarts
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
