I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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