ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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