All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
