i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
