why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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