I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
