I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
