47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
