so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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