She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
