the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
