why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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