My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
