Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
