she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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