How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
