I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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