After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
