we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
