i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
