Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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