that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
