You really coming over, don't trick.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Farmville is her only friend.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
