remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
