so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
