just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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