I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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