I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
as a side note pls kill me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
