Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just had sex bonerless
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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