So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
