At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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