you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
