$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
