Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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