so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
