This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
