Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
be right there i have to get my cape
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
