Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
