i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
