oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
