I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
