so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
