some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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