Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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