This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
