Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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