Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
