Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
