Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
