I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
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REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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