She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
